Sleeping Around
by NT aka Aku-chan
Summary: Overhearing a late night phone conversation leads to a misunderstanding that brings about utter chaos.


Title: Sleeping Around

Author: NT aka Aku-chan

Pairing(s): Yaoi... that's all you need to know :P But if you know me, it won't be that hard to figure out XD

Warning(s): Look at the above two. For the majority of the fic, it's written as a phone conversation, so.. yeah... deal! hehe

Disclaimer: So... if you really think I own, go jump off a bridge. Preferably a short bridge of no more than two feet with a giant mattress waiting for you at the bottom and a plate of cookies with a big glass of milk!

**Ooooo Chappie One: Devils That Are Phones ooooO**

First ring. Second ring. Third ring. Cursing ensues. Fourth ring. Answering machine picks up. More cursing ensues.

This is what could be found by one now irritated Kai Hiwatari with the suite's phone propped beside his ear in what can be named as a death grip. If the phone could talk, it would be attempting to scream only to realize it cannot breathe and therefore passing out from lack of oxygen. Thank goodness phones are not alive – for the most part. In the mind of a certain phoenix, however, phones were now the most useless objects ever invented because of their hell spawned origins. But as the sensible and rational captain he is, he decides to place all his anger into the one who is not answering the phone on the other end.

First ring. Second ring. Third ring...

And cursing ensues once more, until – "Hello?"

"WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..." A soft growl is heard from the suite side of the phone line.

"Oh, sorry. I thought I had gone deaf, thank you very much. Now how may I help you, Hiwatari? Woah... wait... help and Hiwatari really don't belong in the same context."

"Shut up, Bryan."

"If I did that, you would be talking to yourself. Unless you're not telling us something." More growling. "Fine, fine, what is it you need, Oh Mighty One?"

"You forgot the 'with killing intent'."

"Oh, forgive me. Oh Mighty One **With** Killing Intent. So, what brings you to the phone, calling me no less, at... HOLY SHIT! 3 AM! ARE YOU INSANE! I knew you had gone a little crazy back when we were the Demolition boys-"

"No, I am not crazy, now will you please shut up for FIVE FUCKING SECONDS!"

"Well, since you asked so nicely..."

"Listen, I'm only calling you so early because... well... he's asleep and can't listen in on our conversation."

"Oh, you mean-"

"Yeah."

"I'm guessing the problem concerns him."

"Aren't you the bright one?"

"Sarcasm looks so attractive on you."

"Is this your way of saying you check out my ass?"

"Conceited much?"

"I saw you looking at the last tournament."

"..."

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Have you seen your ass recently? I think it's gotten sexier. More than that little kitty over there, I'll have to admit."

"..."

"Mentally scarring, isn't it?"

"Yes, very."

"Is that why you wear that little pouch on your ass?"

"Yes, Bryan. I wear that so people will stare at my ass and then wonder what's in the pouch."

"I never said the second part."

"I know, people have just asked."

"What'd you tell them?"

"Just that I keep a trigger in case I ever feeling like annihilating the world of all humanity."

"Very nonviolent thoughts, I must admit. Anyways, moving back to your issue."

"It's not an issue, really."

"Just admit it, Kai. You have a problem that you CAN'T solve, and came to me for HELP."

"..."

"Do you want me to help or what?"

"..."

"Well?"

"Fine, fine. I need your help, Oh Great One."

"Oh, how the robes have changed."

"Robes?"

"Yeah. Don't you know those cool all-powerful and all-knowing dudes wear those wicked girly robes of like purples and blues?"

"...PS2?"

"PS2." (A/N: I do not own! ..) Silence because in every conversation, there is a random silence. Yes, true fact. Try to talk forever, it's hard. You actually have to think! Hurts, I know. Moving on. "I have a secret to tell you. It's about you."

"What?"

"Did you know you have massive ADD?"

"...I think that's you. Stop making me go off on tangents now!"

"Yeesh, yell at a guy for being semi-conscious at – might I remind you – TWO IN THE MORNING!"

"... you done?"

"Yeah, go on."

"Well... the problem..."

"You mean T-"

"YES! Him. Don't say his name."

"Why not?"

"I'm afraid he has some sort of mental ability to pick up his name if ever mentioned."

"... okay... you ever considered therapy? I mean, not that I'm saying you need it, but you have had some trauma since... oh say, birth?"

"Bryan..."

"Yeah?"

"Focus."

"Roger that."

"Anyways, he keeps making me – did you hear something?"

"No, continue already. Sane people like to sleep nowadays, you know."

"Then why are you sleeping?"

"Har har, Mr. Comedian."

"Stop with the nicknames already. As I was saying, he keeps making me sleep with him!"

"Okay... so what's the problem? He's not good in bed?"

"The problem is somehow I always end up in his bed and I don't know how. AT ALL!"

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Yes, oh."

"What's with the 'oh'?"

"I 'oh'-ed because I just solved a mystery."

"Care to share?"

"Not really."

"Bryan..."

"Well, he went out to the drugstore – you know the one down by the corner. He came back with a bag, but didn't put anything away in the kitchen. Just went into his room, and then came back out without the bag."

"Okay... so?"

"So whatever he had in that bag could have been used on you... or should I say in you?" This is where one would hear the snickering of a certain falcon.

"Shut it. How do I stop ending up in his bed?"

"Don't consume anything he gives you. That's the only way he would probably try to get you into bed with him without being drastic or take any unwanted risks."

"...How do you know so much?"

"I gave him the idea."

"... may I ask why?"

"He asked how he could get an unwilling person into bed with him. I humored him, and told him to drug the person or use alcohol. I never thought he'd take me seriously! This is classic. Man, that just made my day. Thanks Kai, I needed that seeing how you woke me up freaking early."

"I hate you."

"Feeling's mutual, Tala's Bed Buddie."

"..." The sound of cursing would be here and the sound of one angry phoenix hanging up the phone with such a force, the phone cried out in death agony.

"What was that?" A groggy voice mumbled beside him, moving slightly, as sleep-glazed eyes opened to look down into the scarlet ones of Kai.

"Nothing, go back to sleep." Kai whispered in the other's ear softly, as Tala snuggled once more into the mattress, arms tightening around the heat of the warm body beside him. Pushing his nose into the soft moon-kissed hair of the other, the scent of lavender and strawberries lulled him to sleep.

"Goodnight, hunni..." Tala slurred as he trailed back into slumber.

"Goodnight..." Kai gave in and found his own peaceful dreams.

Meanwhile, in the next room, a certain eavesdropping teammate lay in his bed with wide eyes, staring at the phone clutching in his hand.

"Oh my god..." His raven hair spilled across his shoulders, pooling behind him like a waterfall, as his frantic sunburned eyes raced around with the thoughts dashing through his mind. "Oh my god, oh my god..."

He placed the phone gently down slowly, going through the event over in his mind, looking at it from all angles. He cursed the dream he had, where a phone had rung and he went to pick it up, only to realize that he had really picked up the phone in real life. He cursed his curiosity when he heard Kai's voice and then Bryan's. Being the neko-jin he is, of course he's going to listen to what the two could possibly talk about so early in the morning. He went back through his memories, discarding possibilities and coming up with more reasons. But he could only come up with one explanation for what he had accidentally heard.

He whispered harshly, where only the air around him could hear, "Tala is raping Kai!"

To Be Continuted...

**ooooo**

So, how was it? Bad? Good? Average? Medium average? So Bad that it's really good? Somewhat good, but not necessarily bad to the point where you might call it medium average good bad, but with an added badly average medium and a side of sliced peaches and whipped cream? Umm... did I lose you too? Anyways, please read and review. Wait... if you are here, you have already read it. Okay... so... review it then? Thank you very much, we appreciate your effort to push that pretty button that would commence the commenting on said work of crap/art/donkey carcass. Until next time!


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